The Twelve Steps : A Spiritual Journey

In going through old papers today,  I have discovered a few interesting details about myself.  I haven’t really changed much in thirty years and yet I am a completely different person from the Alison I was in my twenties.  If that sounds like a contradictory statement, it is.  I have accepted the truth.  I am a walking contradiction.

I still make lists for everything, I still start stories that I never finish, and I still spend way too much time analyzing my own and others’ motives.  Yet, I am so much more at peace with my imperfections than I was in my twenties.  I guess you could say I have learned to be a little more patient with myself and others.  I try to be a little more forgiving toward myself and others while learning to be a little less judgmental.

At the same time I worry incessantly about my children because they are pursuing unconventional paths.  Their unusual  life choices prove I have raised strong, independent men and this makes me proud.  Yet, this pride stands in stark contrast to the fears I harbor on their behalf.  So I recognize that I have changed through the years, but I still have more work to do.

Today, I found my old twelve steps journal. It calls itself a guide for adult children from dysfunctional families.  It also calls itself a spiritual journey.  I know now that this is a journey that I will be on until I take my last breath.  Each new stage of parenthood brings echoes of past mistakes and human failings.  Praise be to God for His immeasurable mercy!

My spiritual path has a few more twists and turns ahead, but my faith is still strong and God still has a plan for me.  He loves my children even more than I do and that gives me great comfort in the midst of my worries. So to all of you, I encourage you to work the twelve steps faithfully, either alone or in a support group.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

 

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